Disneyland Resort Paris

Dear Sirs,

I have been a fan of the Walt Disney Company ever since I was a young child. I have many Disney films in my video collection (even the not very good ones!), and have visited the Disney theme parks in Paris and Orlando on may occasions.

It is for these reasons that I would like to hire the Disneyland Park in the Paris resort for the day. I have a young nephew who loves Disney very much and would adore a day out in the theme park, but is very afraid of crowds (we suspect that he may be homosexual). How much would it cost to hire the park for the day? We think a park to ourselves will please Tommy very much and stop him throwing a tantrum. We would also like to saty in your finest hotel room for 2 nights.

I look forward to your respeonse and our stay at Disneyland Resort Paris, which I'm sure will be magical and full of whimsy.

Yours sincerly

Robert M. Walker

Dear M. Walker,

Thank you very much for your correspondence and your real interest for our destination.

We have noted your demand and your needs.

It is possible to hire the Disneyland Park but only during the evening, for three hours, after the park has closed. The cost to hire the park during an evening in the Disneyland Park is 240 000 Euros TTC.

Besides, it will be a pleasure to welcome you in one of our Disney Hotels.

We regret to inform you that it is not possible to privatize our themed parks for one day and we trust you will understand our position on that situation.

Do not hesitate to contact us for any furtherinfomation about your future stay at Disneyland Resort Paris. It will be a pleasure for us to organize it with you.

Best Regards

Chaibia Hariri

Sales and Production Manager

Kodak

Dear Sir/Madam

I am writing to you to express my appreciation and, alas, frustration over your Advanced Photo System line of products.

I have a Kodak Advantix F600 camera that I love very much! It has been with me around the world and has taken many photos, which I treasure greatly! The camera has never caused any problems and the picture quailty is superb! Thank you for making such a fantastic product!

However, my frustration comes from the fact that I am finding it increasingly difficult to buy films for the camera! Upon my recent annual holiday to Blackpool with my Husband, we could not find an Advantix film anywhere! When we eventually did find one, we gad been searching for a whole hour! This is not what I would expect from Kodak or Britain's holiday capital.

Would it be possible for you to tell me where I could purchase an Advantix film? I would appreciate this greatly!

Once again, you make great cameras!

Yours faithfully

Robert B. Walker

Dear Mr Walker,

Thank you for your letter of the 12th September 2007 inquiring on where to purchase a Kodak APS Film. I hope you will accept my sincere apologies for the delay in replying to your letter as it was sent to the wrong address and I only received your letter today.

Kodak have no control over what films retailers stock and sell however, the Kodak APS film is still manufacture and it is widely available, we would suggest you try Supermarkets such as Tesco's, Jessops, Boots or a Kondak Express Store.

I hope the above infomation is off help to to you and I wish you every success with your future photography.

Yours Sincerly

Joanne Kerr

Kodak Consumer Imaging Support

Grovelling Apology

Once again I find myself apologising for the lack of updates. This is mostly due to the postal strike. I haven't received a reply in about 3 weeks despite sending 15+ over a month ago. When the Royal Mail gets their arse in gear Letters By Robert will be back in full force! You’ll see! You’ll all see!

Hugs and Kisses

Robo

Tizer Soft Drinks

Tizer
4 Mollins Road

Westfield

Cumbernauld

G68 9HD

Scotland

22 August 2007

Dear Sir/Madam

I am writing to you as I am a great fan of your Tizer product and would like to express my thanks to you for making such an outstanding product day in day out. I also have a few mean questions about the beverage that has refreshed me on countless occasions.

What does the word “Tizer”? My friends tell me it is the name of the drug that is used in the Tizer drink (surely not!). How do you get Tizer to be so red, as oppose to say, Pepsi, which isn’t red at all? If a certain batch of Tizer is not completely red does it fail a quality standards test? If so, can I buy this poorer quality Tizer? And lastly, what happened to the Tizer man?

I look forward to hearing from you, and hopefully setting up a business relationship in the near future.

Yours faithfully




Robert Walker

NO REPLY!

Spider-Man

Mr Spider-Man
Marvel Entertainment International Ltd.

7 Portland Place

3rd Floor

LondonW1B 1PP

England

Dear Mr Spider-Man

How are you? I hope you are well!! I’m very good, thank you!!! I am writing to tell you what a big fan I am of yours and how cool you are. I love to watch the programmes in the cinema about you. Do you ever get nervous when jumping off such a big house?

How is MaryJane? I heard that you guys had a bit of a tiff recently. I do hope you can patch things up, after all it’s not your fault, it was all because of that naughty venom! Also, how is your Aunt? You should visit her more often so she doesn’t get lonely!

Would you come round to our house one day? My Mum says you’re not real, but if you came over for dinner and jumped around a bit in the garden I'm sure she would change her mind!

You have great strong legs!

Yours awesomely!

Robert Walker

NO REPLY!

Britvic Soft Drinks

Britvic Soft Drinks Ltd
Chelmsford
CM1 1TU

22 August 2007

Dear Sir/Madam

I am in love with the man on the 7UP cans! Where can I get his number?


Yours faithfully




Robert Walker

Dear Mr Walker,

Thank you for your letter about the man on the 7UP cans. His name is Fido Dido and has been associated with 7UP for many years.


Unfortunately, Fido Dido is a letter shy and does not give out his phone number to people. We will of course let him know that you have written in, I'm sure he'll be flattered.

Thank you for contacting us.


Yours sincerely





Darryl Pitts
Britvic Consumer Care Advisor

Mr Pitts
Britvic House
Broomfield Road
Chelmsford
CM1 1TU

Your ref; 070829-000067

11 September 2007

Dear Mr Pitts,

Thank you for your letter dated 29th August, I apologise for taking so long to get back to you, I have been very busy at work.

It appears that I have sent you a letter with some text missing. For this I apologise profusely. I asked you where I could get the contact information from the man on the 7UP cans. What I infact meant was, where can I get the contact information of the man who draws the art on the 7UP cans?

I once again apologise for this and would like to thank you to replying to what must have seemed like a ridiculous letter.

Yours sincerely





Robert Walker




Dear Mr Walker,

Further to your recent letter regarding Fido Dido.

Britvic nor PepsicCo own the rights to Fido Dido, the character is a trademark of Fido Dido Inc. and we have the permission to use him under the license for 7UP. There is a website which has more information about Fido Dido www.rmlicensing.com/ENG/Fido/fidodido.htm).

We hope you find this information useful, we do appreciate your interest in our products.

Yours sincerely





Darryl Pitts
Britvic Consumer Care

SAGA Insurance

The Saga Building

Middelburg Square

Folkestone

Kent

CT20 1AZ

16 August 2007

Dear Sir,

I am writing to you to ask if I am eligible for home and contents insurance with your company as I have a fine home with many items that I treasure dearly that I would like to protect from any unfortunate goings-on that may or may not occur.

I have been recommended your company on several separate occasions by family members and would like to take out a policy with you. I understand that your company only offers its services to the over 55s and I am only 25 years of age. However I have a rare genetic disorder called Werner syndrome. This causes me to have the body of a 60-year-old male. I do hope this makes me eligible for Saga Home Insurance.

Please could you send me any details on your insurance policies, their prices and what they cover. I shall only need 5 years cover as I have been informed by my doctor that I have only this long to live.

Many thanks

Yours faithfully,




Robert Walker

NO REPLY!